discontent

I have nothing specific to write about but feel the need to express some emotion. That is one of the joys of being a woman, I have more emotions than I know what do with. Frustration, angst, annoyance, gratitude, awe, sorrow, bliss, inadequacy...within a 3 minute span! The things that frustrate me seem to last forever and the happy things are only moments. How to prolong the sweet and dispense with the sour? I suppose it is all a matter of focus. So what do I do? I eat chocolate covered almonds/raisins. Or I turn to a book and lose myself in the story. Not the most health-conscience way of dealing I admit. Ok, Krista, focus on the good!
-Josh only has 30 school days or 7.5 weeks! I am going on a week long trip with him the day after graduation(back to IL where John Deere is based, with his class, all males :\ ). This will be a once in a lifetime opportunity for him and he invited to share it with me! How I love that man!
- Let's see, I have a job that I love! It doesn't cover the bills but it is better than nothing!
-I paid off the credit card (we had to charge tuition to it until FAFSA went through) with the check from FAFSA and my paycheck.
-I have a beautiful little girl whom I adore and get to be home with everyday to watch her grow and learn.
-I have a beautiful home (to rent until we are ready to buy a house).
-We are all healthy (no major illnesses aside from a little goofitis now and again ;))
There is much more but this will give me something to re-read and focus on for the next few weeks. That should help me balance some of the emotions, I hope. I often wonder why I experience such a pallet of feelings? To make the sweet seem sweeter? So I appreciate it when I feel happiness? I must admit, my life is fairly easy when compared to others. God only gives us what we can handle right? Apparently I can't handle much, because my trials are far less painful than many of those around me. Yet some days I feel I am barely keeping my nose out of the water. Breathe. Just breathe. I am thankful I have the blessing to go to the temple and get a priority assessment. Typically the things I worry so much about don't equal a drop in the cup-of-tea-of-life. A question: Are we drinking the tea or pouring it? When we drink the last drop of tea-of-life and our cup is empty are we done? Or are we slowly filling our cups with the tea-of-life and when it is full to capacity are we finished fulfilling what we came to do? I guess it is my analogy and I can make it go either way.
You know how they say some thoughts are deep? How do we measure the depth of thought? Does everyone have deep thoughts tucked away in the recesses of their minds, waiting to be fished out and shared with the world? Is some great theory or invention lost in the recesses of my mind waiting to be shown the light? If so it may need a flashlight. I doubt I will be surfacing any greatness anytime soon, or later for that matter. In fact, I just ran out of inspiration...

Babies everywhere!

I can't believe how many friends are having babies this year!! I am glad we missed that boat! Jaylie loves to see them and take care of them. She will be such a great big sister someday! No I am not making any announcements. We are still waiting to try for more kids until we feel like it is the right time. I am so grateful for Jaylie! She makes us laugh everyday with the things she says and does. I love finding the things she has tucked away in random and often silly places. I didn't love it so much though when I realized my wedding ring was one of the things she picked up and tucked away. Luckily I found it a couple days later in the pantry under the fruit snacks. I'll remember not to put it on my dresser when painting! I am also crazy about my hubby! He is so perfect for me! He keeps me in line and reminds me to pray about things instead of letting my emotions guide my decisions. I am so spoiled! I guess I am just feeling very blessed today. That is better than the whining I usually type. I think since my grandma's funeral, especially since I was asked to write my feelings down and speak at her funeral, I have been feeling gratitude for the gospel and the knowlege that we will be together again. Knowing that I can be with my family for eternity is the greatest comfort! Especially when a loved one passes away and I feel their absence in my life. And back to my initial subject, I am awed by the miracles that come in the form of children! Bringing a baby into this world and raising children is like having a window to heaven. They are so sweet and innocent, and it makes me realize that they are fresh from heaven and from seeing and being with our loved ones we are missing. Our lives are closer linked to heaven than I realize. I am so happy and overwhelmed with love for the children in my life, my own little angel, neices, nephews and the children of friends. I am thankful for the good people who are our friends. I have never had so many friends in my life as I do now and I look up to each of them! I remember when we moved here how much I hated it and how I prayed and cried every night to find just one friend to make me feel like this was home. My prayer has been answered so many times and is still being answered! I love all my friends and feel like I have known them forever. Thank you all, for being my friends and letting us be a part of your lives!

Tractor Photos

I apologize. I take terrible pictures. Tessa got some cute ones though. The little boy is one I babysit sometimes. Josh took us for a ride after a work BBQ.

Blubblering

I just need to vent again. So slice some cheese and I'll pour the whine. So I got a call today from my employer that she may not be employed until July 25th, if at all. Josh starts school in June so I have to find work, again. Did I mention I just quit babysitting for someone else so I could go back to work for her? It isn't her fault and I am not blaming anyone, I am just frustrated with everything in general. All I want to do, and all that I have wanted to do since I was a little girl was stay home and be a mommy. I just want to have another baby. We have prayed and decided to put it off until he is done with school. We are down to the final months!! YAY!! Of course it can't just go smoothly. I just need to work for 3 blasted months and then I can CHOOSE whether I want to work or not!! I know, my life is simply and not difficult compared to many, or pretty much everyone else. But hey, it's my life and my problems and I can stress about them, no matter how big or small. Really, I like having a job and earning money, but I will not forfeit raising Jaylie to do that. That is why I choose to babysit instead of getting a day job. I plan to continue babysitting too if I can while I raise my kids.*sigh* When I write it down it really isn't such a big deal. At least Josh has a good job/career that he loves and we are all healthy and able to work. I realize I am being ungrateful for what we do have and focusing on the small things we are struggling with right now. It will all be over in a few months anyway. Better start looking for some work...