Jan 19, 2011

right now

Finding things to be happy about right now is easier to do some days than others. I keep thinking, when Josh is done with school.... I can quit working, we'll have a baby, we'll have more money, more time to be together, less stress and on and on. But in truth, that "ideal" setting will never come, because perfection is not part of life. Being satisfied with the imperfect is life. Sometimes I wonder who I am. Whats me?? There are things I like to do, but what is ME? Who am I? What do I want to be? that one is easy, a mother. That's all I've ever wanted to be, since I was a little girl. And I love it! I look forward to having more babies, but sometimes I need a break from that, to just be me. I like to make people laugh. I like the freedom I feel when I'm riding a horse. I love getting swept away in the story of a well written book. I love family. I like being silly and strong and independent. I don't like to cook but I like to eat and I know how to make syrup DAMMIT! I'm afraid of losing the people I care about, even though I know it is inevitable. I love feeling alive and breathing the mountain air. Sometime I feel like a machine, I am the dishwasher, the cleaner, the cooker the caregiver. I need to BE loved as much as I love. well, I'd better get back to work. none of this makes sense anyway.

Jan 13, 2011


I decided that it is time for a new post, but I don't really know what to post. I guess that is what has made me put it off for so long. I don't feel like our life is very interesting, but I will share what is happening right now in our family. Josh is in his second to last "in school" semester. He has one more work semester then a summer semester and he will be DONE about halfway through August!! YAY!! For his graduation his class (about a dozen guys) are going on a trip to some of the John Deere facilities where they made and do varies things. They have worked long hours after school to pay for their trip and I know Josh is looking forward to it. He is doing very well in his classes.
I am still babysitting one little boy and his mom is due in 10 weeks. I look forward to playing with a new little baby when she goes back to work. I wonder how Jaylie and Maddox will do with having to share attention with a baby. I am sure they will surprise me. I lost 13 lbs with our Chub Club last year (starting in Sept) and have kept it off. I really don't feel like I have anything interesting to write.
Jaylie is talking more every minute! She says the funniest things. Lately she likes to steal my nose and stick it on my forehead. She loves dancing time and Cinderella. That is really all.